spe·cif·ic
adjective
having a special application, bearing, or reference; specifying, explicit, or definite: to state one's specific purpose.
Be
specific. Has anyone ever asked that of
you? I think there would be a lot less
arguing, hard feelings, and misunderstandings if we did a little more of
this.
How
many times have I assumed one thing and my family assumed something else? Same with friends … I recall waiting at a
Second Cup coffee shop assuming (and wrongly, may I point out) that I was meeting
a group of friends there. Meanwhile …
they were sitting at a totally different Second Cup. Not only was it just 2 kilometres away but it
was even on the same road! I ended up missing out on a great time just because
I wasn’t very specific about details. Lesson
learned: take your cell phone and make
sure you are all on the same page (or at least in the same coffee shop!)
When my kids were young, my husband was often away on business. Inevitably, when he arrived home, one of the kids would need to be disciplined. When it came time to hand out their discipline, he’d rarely remember the latest consequence. Things had a way of changing while he was gone. His altering their “fate” or “the plan” had the potential of throwing our entire household into a conniption. To avoid the fits and frenzies (usually by me), I decided to post a list of set consequences for specific ‘infractions’ on the fridge. From that time on, we were able to nip most of the confusion in the bud. It became very clear to him (and the kids) what would happen if they stepped out of line or didn’t do their chores. Even if the rules changed while he was gone, he’d just refer to the list when he arrived home (unfortunately to the chagrin of the kids – pulling of the wool over Dad’s eyes had come to an end.) Lesson learned: being specific has a way of making things crystal clear.
There
have even been times at some of my workplaces where the left hand didn’t know
what the right hand was doing. Some of
us would assume that someone else was doing a certain thing, when actually … no
one was. Taking the bull by the horns
and actually asking questions, getting answers, and finally, writing it down
for everyone to see, made for a happier (and informed) staff. Lesson learned: clarification is a good thing!
Recently,
one of my family members planned a trip.
They assumed that for whatever reason, I had told the person they would
be staying with, that they were coming.
I hadn’t. It wasn’t my trip. During a recent phone conversation, it became
apparent that the other person had no clue our son had decided to come for a
visit. Well – let me tell you … that generated some “conversation” within
our family. In the end, it was easily
resolved but wow - it might not have been such a great holiday if they had been
waiting at the airport for their ride only to discover the other person had
actually left for their own holiday. Lesson
learned: when you make plans … make a point of contacting everyone involved to
finalize details and not assume that they will remember a conversation from three
months prior.
We
somehow assume, innocently enough most times, that people can read our
minds. Ask questions, request feedback
and finally, put it down on paper (or in an e-mail with a request for
confirmation back). This can go a very
long way to keep everyone in the loop. I recall years ago when my kids were still quite young … one coming home from school and asking me a question. “Mom … what is SEX?” I stopped dead in my tracks and went into panic mode. Gee … how do I explain this without appearing to make a big deal about it? A dozen thoughts and explanations went through my mind. I’m not sure why, but for whatever reason, I took a second to turn to him and ask for some clarification. “Sex? Can you use it in a sentence, please.” He did … “What sex are you?” Good grief. You can imagine what could have transpired had I not asked him to be specific about what he was asking. Lesson learned – when in doubt … ask questions.
My challenge this week will be to make sure that when I agree to something or make plans that everyone is clear on what is being said and what is expected. Not all that difficult but you do have to remember to do it. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions so that you know they really do understand what you’ve said. Often what you think they’ve heard is actually quite different from what they’ve actually heard.
Food for Thought:
"Let us live and move in harmony. Let us grow together.
Let us cherish the wisdom that we have acquired together.
Let us live without any misunderstanding.”
Now that I am officially in the week of my 55thbirthday, I hope you can join me
next Sunday when I begin my Getting Physical Challenge!
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