LEARNING TO BE OK WITH OK! - CHALLENGE #21

 

Sometimes the things that make us the happiest

are not the things that the world values.

Growing up in our house, life was really quite straightforward.   Not many surprises.  You got up, ate breakfast, spent the day at school, had an afterschool snack, did homework, ate dinner, finished your chores, played with friends, watched a little tv, and then headed off to bed.  Every school night pretty much repeated that pattern.  You listened to Mom - never ever talked back to Dad. There were no scheduled play dates - you just played with whoever happened to be on the street, sports were seldom organized - random ball games at a moment's notice, piano lessons were not a part of our family`s regimen, and sleepovers were a rarity.  We ate simple food, got an allowance on Saturday morning - just enough that you could easily blow it at the corner store by noon, traded comic books, hung out with our brothers and sisters, collected bottles for extra spending money, played marbles outside in the yard, walked or rode our bikes to where we needed to be, spent time at the local pool and library, and
gathered at least one night a week on a sibling`s bed to share scary stories, while our parents were downstairs thinking we were all asleep. Pretty simple life.

 

We were asked to pitch in with chores, but nothing overly complicated.  Once a week we were expected to clean our rooms.  No one checked to see if we did what we were asked - it was a given it WOULD be done. The younger kids wore hand me downs and new clothes pretty much meant that school was starting.  We didn't expect a dozen presents at Christmas (nor did we
get them), we ate homemade birthday cakes at parties in actual homes, and thought that Summer Holidays went on for ever.
 

Somewhere along the way, life around us became . . . complicated.  And still is.  Having a B on your report card used to be proudly shown around the class - now it's often viewed as, "not working to full potential."  Join a sports team these days and it's not uncommon for there to be an assumption that you've already spent extensive amounts of time and money in camps or have "club" experience.  Whatever happened with being a "late bloomer"?  Entering or changing a sport later in life (somewhere after elementary) virtually ensures you a seat on the bench (unless of course, you are a natural athlete and excel right off the get go.)

Remember when a a HOT holiday was a fun two week summer stint at your Grandparent's place and not a plane trip to an exotic winter destination. 
                                     
Electronics, in your average household, was a coloured tv.  Cell phones, iPods, and laptops would later become the norm.  Camp was code for a tent and family weiner roasts in some off the beaten camp site - eventually to be replaced with weekly organized programs to fill the summer months.

Lifestyles have changed.  In some ways, for the good, but not necessarily.  Time and rest are some key areas that have taken the biggest hits.  Getting ahead and making sure you secure a coveted spot is no longer the exception, but now often the rule.  I recall watching a Mom at school daily racing with her daughter down the sidewalk.  At one point, I did manage to find out where she was going.  Well - it just depended on the day.  Mondays and Wednesdays were dance, Tuesday and Thursdays were soccer, Friday was voice, and Saturday was Chinese school.  She also had an older son that played upper level hockey.   No wonder she was running.  How she did it in high heels was beyond me.  Parents do a lot for their kids.  Sometimes, maybe too much.
 

I've met preschool kids with iPads, very young elementary kids playing the latest and greatest violent killing video games, and teenagers driving nicer cars than I can ever hope to own.  Most homes have more random stuff in one bedroom closet than entire villages in third world countries own collectively.  We recycle only to refill our cupboards with more unnecessary filler.  It's not uncommon to hear the cry, "That's GHETTO!" when it is suggested they use their older sibling's outgrown bike.  Hand me downs seldom happen past lower elementary.  Even those little ones are savvy enough to know that it's viewed as not "cool" by lots of their peers.

So, what has all this got to do with learning to be ok with ok?  Simply that . . . it seems, today we have lost our sense of appreciation, not only for what we have, but who we are and how we want things done.

Many of us would agree that it's important that we appreciate "the effort" we put into things.  Personally, I would even go so far to say that it's even more important than making the top grade.  That's not to say that good grades aren't worth something - they are but they aren't the be all and end all. 

Encouraging ourselves and our kids to put in a good effort is first and foremost.  Anything that comes from that is bonus.  If we don't get the best mark, oh, well.  We will live.  And probably a lot happier.  The stress of always striving to be the best isn't necessasrily the best way to live your life.

 

Being able to look at our clothes closet and say that we have enough instead of whining about what's not in there, takes some effort, but one that's worth it.  If our family sees us forever toting bags home of yet more treasures, is it any wonder they feel they need to get on board.  More lessons are caught than taught. It's surprising how out of control we are and have absolutely no sense of it.  Not to say that having things (whether it's electronics, a big house, a new car, a trip, or clothes) are bad . . . being ok with what you have and learning to wait for things in life, are very good life lessons. 

After 55 years, this is what I have discovered: 

. a dress that makes you feel like a million $$ doesn't have to cost a million $$.  Too many of us fall into the trap of living up to other people's expectations, not our own.  Enjoy your outfit because it looks good on you . . . not because it's what others want you to wear.

. everyone gets older and wrinkles are inevitable, so be ok with who you are . . . set limits on what you are willing to do to feel and look good . . . then let it be. 

. Embrace your health ... no one lives long without it - even the rich and famous.

. We don't have to "fix" and improve everything - sometimes, "status quo" is just fine.

. an older car that doesn't involve car payments takes us from point A to point B cheaper than a fancy car we are making payments on.  The minute you drive the car off the lot, it's used. 

. Learn to be ok with your electronics --- next year they are old news.  Nothing is the latest and greatest for too long - repeat this mantra . . . "I like my phone and I don't need another one right now."

. Being happy for someone else's success, opportunities, and happiness is a sign of real maturity.  Encourage your family to do that and not be jealous. 
 
. it's not the end of the world when your child doesn't sign up for every sports camp . .. less than 1% of kids will make it to the BIG LEAGUES in any sport. 

. Jobs done at home don't have to be perfect.  It's more important they be done!  This has always been a hard one for me - but I'm learning!!

. It's ok to stay out of the malls and invest the money in worthwhile things. 

. it really is ok to turn the tv and computer off regularly - learning to enjoy reading, hobbies, and playing games (inside or out) makes for a well rounded person.

. it's more important for family dynamics that they eat KD at home together than expensive fast food in the car.

. kids' memories of family time are not rated by where they go but who they spend it with.  Be ok with "low profile" holidays.  Your kids take their cue from you.  In fact, get them away from electronics and their friends, and it's amazing how they might actually have fun (of course, they may not admit it to their friends, but hey . . .)

. temporary happiness is not the same as living a fulfilled life.

. If you like who you are, those that matter the most to you in your life, will too. Being the best at something is short lived - there will always be others who come along and will one up you. Appreciate that you are good at something - we can't be great at everything in life and that's ok.

. Stuff is replaceable, people who love us, are not.

. Quiet time is a good way to teach ourselves (and our kids) to slow down and learn to be ok with our own company.

. Choosing to spend less for the right reasons and sharing those reasons with our kids, teaches and empowers them.

. Learning to say no to time commitments that takes us away from each other as a family (and telling them why) says a lot to our loved ones.

. Complimenting our kids for a good mark that "effort" has gone into, teaches them to feel ok with trying their best.  A great mark, where on-going parental pressure has been applied, doesn't yield the same personal results.  Pride is the goal, not resentment.

Learning to be ok with lots of things in our life (I'm not talking about the bad things that need to change) is actually very freeing.  Not having to meet unreasonable expectations, being able to appreciate what you have, enjoying "the moment" without having your eyes always looking ahead, can make a huge difference in your day to day outlook.  I hope you will join me in making the small choices that in fact, may ultimately be the big choices.    

  Food for Thought:

 

ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE,

FOR SOMEDAY YOU WILL REALIZE

THEY WERE THE BIG THINGS.. 

 

 

Next week is Challenge # 22 – Simple Things That Can Save Us Money and Time.

 

Images by: pennydreadfulvintage.com; forestparkpublicproperty.com; mombychoice.blogspot.com;worldofstock.com; k2swim.com; fashionstarvedteen.blogspot.com; pinterest.com; asoftplace.net; flixya.com; more4kids.info; blog.starkskincare.com