TO REST OR NOT TO REST - THAT IS THE CHALLENGE! - CHALLENGE #36

 

 

WE ALL HAVE OUR IDEAS OF WHAT REST LOOKS LIKE. YOU KNOW SOMETHING IS OUT OF SYNC IF YOU ALWAYS FEEL YOU NEED TO LEAVE WHERE YOU ARE TO FIND IT.

 

Here I am lying in bed, deciding whether to get up and go and drink coffee or continue to extend my sleep-in time. Well - obviously I am not sleeping anymore, but this is something I just never do. Lie in bed. Generally, once I am up, I am off to do something - anything.  Time is ticking.  The early morning has a purpose, as does the rest of the day.  Having a coffee, spending time on the internet, or checking
e-mails pretty much defines resting for me.  I like the IDEA of resting but it just seems to achieve so very little. I can't even say that I feel rested after I "rest".  It's easy to go from sitting around "relaxing" to blowing the whole day, accomplishing nothing.  For me, it seems it's all or nothing.  I can't seem to get motivated once I am sitting and resting.  Mostly, I just end up feeling like I've wasted valuable time.

 
We all know a slackerd or two and we sure don't want to be like them. I've actually told my family that when I'm working, they are not allowed to sit around in front of me not working.  Find another room to be in.  I can get incredible amounts of things done and not think twice about it, BUT I can't handle people physically sitting around me and not contributing. That's when the not so nice part of me emerges.

 

Typically at this time of the year, things start out so well with resolutions, but somewhere as the months fly by, it all goes to hell in a handbasket. Mostly, I'm thinking it's because I tend to allow other people's agendas to change my agenda. It seems that as other people lose sight of their schedules, obligations, etc. I invariably get handed their stress or I feel guilty watching them struggle and offer to help them out (which often means taking on projects that I don't have time for).  We may mean well, but when one does that too often, it is no longer their stress - it becomes ours.  Therein lies my problem.  When I get busy trying to help others, it's easy to lose sight of how it's affecting my own life. Funny how you don't see those things until you are forced to look for solutions for change.

 

As I review the past year - the number one thing that brought me the most stress was . . . other people's stress. When you are a "do-er" by nature, fixing problems can be a big problem. Some would say, the issue might actually be me having poor "boundaries". Possibly. Well--actually--that's probably a good summarization. When you combine guilt/procrastination/poor boundaries -it's a recipe for disaster. No wonder rest doesn't happen. When you're busy running around taking care of other people's business (partly because they can't or won't do it themselves) then it's a no brainer as to why our own tasks pile up. It's all a big sticky mess.
 

Viewing rest as not being a time waster is a hard concept to let go of.  Many people don't even realize that they don't relax.  They just keep going and going until they burn out, lash out, or find themselves becoming very critical or negative.  Multi-tasking is a buzz word but not necessarily always a good thing.   I think that mothers probably struggle hard with all of this.   Case in point - it never occurs to me to sit down and watch a movie with my family - there always seems to be things that I "could" be doing.  I virtually never take the time to play card or board games with my family - I'm generally the martryr cleaning up the kitchen while they sit and have fun. WHO is going to do the things that NEED to be done if I don't?  Things left undone typically defer to "Mom".   Note to self:  there is nothing wrong with telling someone to do it!  Honestly, sometimes we are our own worst enemies!

Interesting side note:  many women that I really admire seem to manage to look after life in their homes well enough, find time to spend time with friends and family, and still keep their wits about them - how is that?  Even more interesting is that most of them are significantly younger than I am.  Hmmmmmm.   Is it because they have seen what happens when their older "sisters" get side-tracked or hear their rants and ravings?  Not sure. 

 

When I talk to them - they tell me that personal time isn't an option, if you want to help avoid resentment and burnout. That, and lowering their standards or expectations of themselves and others to a do-able level.  The world doesn't end because the bathroom gets cleaned once every other week.  I suppose that's true!  If other people don't like it, they can always stay at their own house or better yet, volunteer to clean it for us!   Pressure is seldom inflicted from the outside - it's generally from the inside.  Putting yourself last is one of worst ways to be rested. It won't happen.
 

Recently, I got myself a good dose of reality.  While visiting my parents, I decided to accompany my Mom to her Day Program at a local seniors' care facility.  Mom has Alzheimers, but the other patients at the facility don't all have that condition.  Participating in the Sing-A-Long gave me a chance to watch patients who actually live at the care centre, interact during this social time. They'd find a spot to sit and get comfortable.  They weren't agitated or in a hurry to go anywhere else. They just sang, hummed, pretended to be reading the words in the song book, smiled, or just fell asleep.  Some had no idea where they were (or maybe even who they were) but they did realize that at that very moment, the idea was not to multi-task - it was to sit and enjoy. Sit and enjoy. Wow - I'm not sure that phrase has ever really been a routine part of my day.

Resting (physically or mentally) has never felt very restful for me.  When you have things to do rolling around in your mind . . . it's hard to "be still".  I'm slowly seeing that taking or making time to rest - to laugh and enjoy ourselves, to re-evaluate priorities, to make realistic plans on how you can accomplish what needs to be done ... makes sense.  Rest was created for a reason, not just a season. 

As I watched those seniors at the care centre ... I couldn't help but wonder what they would say about what they'd do differently, if they had their last 30 years back. I'm sure they'd say that "life" went by way too quickly or that their priorities got sabotaged far too easily and that the little things in life, really ended up being the important things. That's where I am at. That crossroad. Which road do I take and what do I want my journey on that road to look like?   I'm either in the driver's seat making those choices or I'm sitting in the back seat allowing someone else to make them for me.  Hmmmmm.

Food for Thought:
                  (adapted from Simple Marriage)

A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “Yes.”
The Professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the Professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else – the small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first”, he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
When he had finished, there was a profound silence. Then one of the students raised her hand and with a puzzled expression, inquired what the beer represented.
The Professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers (or whatever) with friends.”

See you next week!

 

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