EATING MY WAY TO A HEALTHIER ME! - CHALLENGE #27

I said healthier, I didn't say healthy.  Big difference.  I think that our goal is always to want to eat better, isn't it?  How we get there, is up for grabs.  I know many who refuse to eat anything other than organic, but then I have friends who poo poo the organic route.  I have acquaintances that refuse to eat vitamins because it's a waste of money and the "source" is questionable, while others insist that our food is practically devoid of nutrition as we know it . . . supplements are a must!  Fruit is packed full of sugar so eat less, I am told.  

Fresh fruit is sprayed with waxes and all sorts of chemicals to prohibit mold - eat canned and frozen!  But - if you eat those, you are warned about the quality of the tins and the lack of freshness.  Eat fresh vegetables and you are lectured on the length of time the "fresh" vegetables have been in storage, transport and eventually, in the stores.  Frozen/canned veggies are tasteless and soggy - when you cook them, the water contains all the vitamins and very little in the actual veggies so you are fooling yourself if you think you are eating healthy.  Canned foods often contain high amounts of sodium - the proverbial kiss of death!  Margarine is bad - one molecule from being plastic, we are informed.  Butter is horrible - saturated fat that will make your arteries harden as you chow down on it.  Chocolate is bad for you, unless you eat the dark chocolate.  Juice is a waste of money and water is polluted, unless of course, you do your research and drink the "right" water.

 

Buying the bottled stuff screams to some you are a person who doesn't care about their environment. Investing in a water purifier (according to the "informed") ensures safe drinking water - but make sure it's in a BPA Free stainless steel drink bottle.  And, one that's not made in a country that supports child or sweat labour.  Beware of meat / fruits / veggies - e coli and salmonella are potentially in everything.  Good grief.  Someone just give me a piece of cardboard to chew on.  What I don't eat, I'll make sure I recycle! 
 

                                                 

Vegetarians have one view, and die hard meat eaters, another.  Everyone has an opinion on what's the latest and greatest.  As you can see . . . you can't win - someone will always inform you that you can be doing it better and wiser - sigh.  Hard not to be cynical or just ignore it all!  We all have to die of something, you say?  True - but why go sooner than you need to?  Watching a loved one die is not an easy thing to do.

We are a nation of overweight folks. Just open any newspaper . . . you will find sobering statistics everywhere.  Who knows, maybe you are even living with one or two of them.  One in four Canadian kids today are either overweight or obese.

Young children are less active and eating more fast food meals than any other time in history (believe it or not, fast food has been around for an awful long time). Teens are experiencing medical conditions traditionally "reserved" for their aging parents - high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes and liver disease.  According to EMed, "That's because obesity causes heart disease, diabetes, and oxidative stress that causes cancer.  And obesity, in turn, is caused by eating metabolic disruptors like refined sugar, hydrogenated oils, saturdated fats and chemical additives."   This generation will be the first generation that is expected to have shorter lives than their parents.  For those that are severely obese, they can expect to live 5-20 fewer years.

I think most of us have heard statistics like this, but it doesn't seem to slow us down.  Fast food establishments are still a "growing" business.  People are still buying donuts (which by the way, can be made up of 45-50% trans fat - no wonder they taste so good), fried foods and chips (trans fat issue and unstable changes in the oil at high temperatures that result in all sorts of problematic health issues), and colas (chemicals, sugar, dyes, and sulfites). 

Kind of takes the happy out of the Happy Meal!

The fact that New York City has an ordinance banning super sized drinks (colas, sweetened teas, etc.) in movie theaters and fast food restaurants in order to help curb the weight concerns may only be a band-aid solution, but shows you that some cities are starting to see the ramifications of some of our "food" choices.

We can truly make ourselves crazy with all the options out there.  I think, that in the end, the most do-able things we can take on for ourselves and our families are to make sure that we eat at home more, eat a little more sensibly, and just be mindful of our choices.  We won't get it 100% right but we won't get it 100% wrong, either.  Fast food has it's place, if we want it.  Choosing to fill our plates with more of the food groups and less sugar, preservatives, and fats makes a huge difference.  Being good role models, learning to say no a little more often, and promoting activity (and I'm not talking about getting up to find the remote) are all very positive things. 

I, personally do buy organic when I can, cook with meat (as much as possible) with no hormones or additives, have elminated pop from my diet (except for the once a year A & W Root Beer), and restrict how often I buy junk food for our household.  I like to investigate different ways to get healthy into my family's diet (avoiding genetically modified foods, when possible . . . considering supplememting our diets with Juice Plus, etc.)  Small changes can add up. They can end up being life long and life changing.  

My biggest challenge is cooking at home more. 
I aim for half of the meals to be home made - room for improvement but there are days when that's just how it goes.  However, eating out doesn't have to be a total bomb.  Passing on the fries and pop is do-able.  But, you have to be willing to do it. 

They say that drastic measures often lead to failure - I believe it. Sometimes, we get so gung ho that we run out of steam.  Eating healthy can be somewhat time consuming, more expensive and hard to get the whole family on board. Making gradual changes is a good way to start educating everyone in your household, without making them feel resentful to be taken along on a trip they are not wanting to be on.  Little steps lead to more steps.  Feel good when you only take one pastry, instead of your usual 4 . . . when you choose a salad instead of onion rings . . . or water instead of milk, juice, or pop.   Slow and steady wins the race.  

Food for Thought:

'Many teenagers already have arteries so clogged that they could suffer heart attacks, and the same is true of 1 in 5 men under the age of 34, a study published today suggests. Researchers, reporting in the American Heart Association journal Circulation, examined the coronary arteries of 760 teenagers and young adults who had died as a result of accidents, suicide or murder. They found that 2 percent of those ages 15 to 19 and 20 percent of those 30 to 34 had advanced plaques, the blockages considered most likely to break off and cause a heart attack or stroke.  They did not find advanced plaques in girls from 15 to 19, but did find them in 8 percent of the women from 30 to 34.'    This was from an article in the New York Times in 2002 - I would imagine that since that time, the numbers have changed significantly (for females, as well).   :(

Now that I am onto Challenge #28 - I'm over half way!  See you next Sunday!!


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DEALING WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME NUTS! - CHALLENGE #26

 

 

I have never been accused of being a subtle or even perhaps, a tactful person.  When things annoy me or make no sense to me, people can generally tell.  Oddly enough, I can put up with a lot of stupid behaviour that might infuriate other people. Go figure.  However, when others are rude/disrespectful or lie to me . . . well, that's where I draw the line. These are the proverbial nails on the chalkboard to me. 
 

 

Being lied to, is an understandable reason to flip out.  But, I'm not so sure that rudeness (disrespectfulness) 
is a deal breaker for most people.  These days, people almost expect rudeness.  Either that or they don't even see it anymore. School staff in jr./sr. highs see it all the time.  Sales or service staff experience it daily.  It's almost a given for the dreaded telemarketer or call centre representative. 

Recently, I was reading an article about the abuse that call centre reps. take.  Those working in these typically entry level jobs, are actually forbidden to "speak back" even, when they are called every nasty name under the sun.  Many of these sorts of positions are held by single moms or young people/students - ergo, the reason they don't tell the callers what to do with their crude comments. 
Some of the research
indicates that many often break down crying at work or lose sleep because they dread going to back for more abuse. We all have bad days at work . . . but can you imagine being verbally abused all day for just doing your job.  No, thanks - I'll pass on earning an income that way.  And, I am grateful that I can say "No, thanks."  Not everyone is so fortunate.  As a parent, I sure wouldn't want someone treating my kids that badly when they are just trying to make a living. 

Sometimes, I think it's easy to
justify our behaviour when someone or the situation ticks us off.

Whether we believe it or not, our behaviour ultimately results in treating the person we are dealing with as a "non-person."  It's amazing what condescending behaviour surfaces when incensed enough.  Elevating oneself to a higher level, if the person they are dealing is appears to have lower education or does not have a good command of the English language, speaks volumes of who we really are.  I must say, reading the article really bothered me.  Not that I do that, but it got me thinking. 

What exactly constitutes being rude?  I suppose the blatantly obvious ones would be name calling and swearing, but it can be a heck of a lot more.  Some a little more subtle . . . eye rolling, impatient or bored looks, finger tapping, taking advantage of situations, not using good manners, and last but not least, the ultimate indicator of rude - "the finger".  Rudeness and good manners do not go hand in hand. If you are being rude - face it, there is no way you could possibly be showing good manners.  Nor can you be showing a good attitude or role modeling for any kids who are in the vicinity.  Some might even say that the person who behaves rudely is behaving like a bully.  If you don't believe that . . . try working in a call centre for a weekend. 

If you live with or are related to folks that feel it's their right to hammer you . . . that's pretty hard to take and for lots of families, it becomes a numbing experience.  It's pretty clear to me that my kids had (have) a mom that has not always expressed her disapproval for what they were doing in a very gracious manner. It's not hard to see now, why they often responded as they did. Here, I adamently endorse the Golden Rule, "Treat Others as You Would Have Them Treat You," but - have I really been doing that?  Oh, I am sure, not near as often as I should.  Good thing, the little proverb isn't, "Treat Others as They Treat You!"  However, I think that is what ultimately happens when we are rude to others. 

It's funny how when you get into something with your family, you forget how badly you can be handling a situation.  If you ever watch those tv reality shows, you may ask yourself, "What's the matter with these people.  Don't they see how awful they are behaving?"  Apparently not.  I wonder what people would think of our behaviour, if it were video taped and displayed for the world to see and hear.  This applies to spouses, parents, kids, teachers . . . anyone, really. Kind of a sobering thought.

Funny how the things that bug us the most, may actually be something that is a blind flaw for us.  What's that quote?  "There are none so blind as those who will not see."

I guess we all like to think
that it's the "other" guy that needs an attitude adjustment, but that's not always the case.  I recall years ago being at a function where a group of people were preparing for the event.  They were discussing the necessity of everyone doing what they could to make it a success.  They wanted it to be an enjoyable experience for everyone attending.  The only problem is, the person who was making the most noise about this had just finished tearing a strip out of the young part-time caretaker on a half a dozen concerns she had.  She wasn't the slightest bit kind in her approach and I felt sick to my stomach at how she had ripped her apart. I felt even worse when I found the university student hiding in a corner crying her heart out afterwards. Kind of ironic that the event was designed to make people feel welcomed.

Being mad is ok.  Being frustrated is ok.  But, being rude and disrespectful is not ok.  Not if you are parent, not if you are teacher or principal, not if you are a student, not if you are a customer, and not if you are a boss.  Learning self-control is a trait worthy of working on. When you have it, it's a good thing for everyone.  When you don't have it, life can be very ugly.

Yes, I know we are not perfect.  We mess up, but I hope that as I go through this week, I will embrace this challenge. Being mindful of allowing others to be heard and validating their concerns is a respectful thing to do.  I don't always have to agree with them, but how I interact can very well change the outcome or the direction of the conversation.

Food for Thought: 

A good way to start seeing yourself.

It's amazing how change like this can become like the domino effect.

A good place to start is with those that matter the most - your family!

Whoops!  I almost forgot my next challenge - Eating My Way to a Healthier Me!


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LIVING IN THE GREY ZONE! - CHALLENGE #25

                 Yes, No, Maybe So

You've probably heard that saying or chant as a child. Maybe you've even said it yourself. That's the sort of thing you bat around in your head when you are unsure of what to do or how to respond.

 

Growing up, life was pretty uncomplicated and straightforward for my generation.  I've mentioned that before but, you know, that was just how it was.  These days - not so much. Right was right.  Wrong was wrong.  When you crossed the line, you KNEW exactly what you were doing. The infraction had to be worth the punishment that you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, would be forthcoming.

 

When boundaries are clear and consequences are clear . . . making good choices (or not) are pretty clear.  Whether you choose to make them, is another matter.  :)

 

Knowing what the expectations are, makes it easier to make plans.  Sometimes, those plans are not good plans but, if you know what the consequences are, then that often changes "the plans".  Some of our kids were encouraged to use our rules (and fear of Mom's wrath and fury) if they wanted to - to avoid being pressured by others into activities that might end them up in hot water.  Telling friends that their Mom or Dad would come down hard on them probably saved them from a few bad decisions. Tough consequences were more often than not, a pretty good deterrent in our house.  Knowing that Mom was not just blowing smoke and that her threats were not hollow, hopefully made them think twice.  If you know my boys, ask them sometime, how many video games of their's I've broken in half.

                                 

Trouble with a capital T resulted in consequences with a Big C. Maybe a part of the problem these days is that for a lot of people, there aren't any consequences. 

Being consistent and following through on your word is key.  A family therapist likened it to the moveable wall.  If kids know that the boundaries or rules are inconsistent, they know that it's a crap shoot.  Hmm . . . maybe, this time the "walls" (rules) can be moved.  Move them once, and the walls can probably be moved again.  And again.  So, what have they to lose in trying to move them - chances are good that it's worth a shot. That's what I call a grey area/zone.  Moveable boundaries. 

Manners is another.  Years ago, I berated one of my boys for poor table manners.  They looked at me like I was from Mars.  Then, it occurred to me . . . I had never actually talked to them about that particular thing.  I assumed that they should know.  Now, why should they?  So, I started paying attention to their manners and thoughtlessness. Every now and again, we'd talk about them.  They were often surprised that people "still did stuff like that."  With the growing number of families that are either not eating together or are spending less and less time together, it would stand to reason that kids are not seeing or hearing their parents demonstrating too many lessons in manners (and maybe lots of other things, too).

What we took for granted, back in the day, as things you just did, may no longer be the case today.  People's lack of knowledge or interest in etiquette has definitely waned.  Case in point, it wasn't that long ago that when you went into a building, guys had to take their ball caps off.  Recently, I was in a high school and was told that in their school system, it was permissable to wear hats.  I was floored.  Now, I understand why I see so many ball caps in restaurants and at a multitude of indoor social functions. And it's not just the kids - adults sitting with their families in upscale restaurants are wearing hats, too.   

A few years back, I was at a son's
baseball tournament in Edmonton.  When we went to pick him up, he was easy to spot. His entire team  (13 of them) was a veritable sea of red hats, except for one.  My son.  His was sitting on his lap. 

I suppose, like anything, if you are uninformed, you probably don't have a clue.  I always find it funny how people sitting at black-tie events can be heard whispering, "Which fork do I use again?"  We've become such an informal society and our manners often reflect that.  Some might even say, sometimes our informality has swung too far the other way.   

Today, kids are exposed to a lot of very questionable behaviours and experiences.  I am sure that the average parent hasn't a clue what really goes on in the playground, at the lockers, or even at "sleepovers" at friends' houses. The usual, "So what's new at school?" doesn't usually generate a whole lot of conversation.  That just might be because for them, all that "stuff" really isn't new anymore.  They see it everyday at school - it's become the norm.  It's interesting how kids can become used to questionable things so easily. Lifestyles have changed courtesy of media, social networking, etc.  Those things are a big part of shaping the minds of kids today.  Shape a mind - shape a behaviour. 

Parental input, often unintentional, may end up taking a backseat to being integral in their kids' values. Suddenly, one day, we find ourselves saying, "what is going on here?"  Guess what?  It wasn't so sudden.

Kids can't defend or understand what they have no or limited knowledge of.  Don't assume (like I did with the manners) that they KNOW what your family standards are. 

It's easy to become wishy washy about things that are not a priority.  . . . so if certain things are a priority in your household - make sure your kids know it.   

Even for myself, I've raised my eyebrows at work and social situations that I didn't feel were quite right.  Not exactly unethical but, certainly not things that made me comfortable.  If you know where your bar of standards is, that makes for a good measuring stick for decisions.  There have been times when I've used that stick to be a voice for change (often it has meant a lot of extra work for me in the process).

I'm sure that my kids thought that life in our house was (and still is) hard, but when you are trying to instill some integrity into your kids . . . they often don't fully understand the reasoning for a lot of years.  Pretty draining to be "the old bag" all the time, but that's just part of the job description, I suppose.  

WANTED: Woman who enjoys the challenge of working with kids.  Must be in excellent mental and physical health.  Accommodations, light housekeeping, and laundry provided (please note - applicant will be responsible for overseeing this).  Salary not negotiable.  Limited time off.   BENEFITS: free vehicle (but must be willing to drive kids at a moment's notice), gourmet meals (cookbooks provided), and unlimited grocery shopping. Please, no heavy drinkers or smokers. Thick skin and good sense of humour mandatory.

There are lots of grey areas in life out there:

. parking in the handicapped spot - just for a minute, while you run in to pick something up
. not returning change when you know you've received too much back - "Well - it's his problem.  He should have counted it out right."
. being part of a circle that humiliates or gossips about someone else . . . whether you like that person or not.
. going along with someone else's decisions, when they make you uncomfortable. It's easy for people to justify poor behaviour and sometimes, it just seems easier to go with the flow, rather than make waves.  Being tolerant doesn't mean you have to agree with them, it just means that you allow them the same right to make their own decisions, too.

The list goes on and on. Looking back at it, I guess the grey areas often coincide with the things that we are unsure about.  If we don't know how to respond, then maybe it's time we use some of those "uncomfortable" moments as opportunities to figure it out. What are the values and ideals that makes us tick and define who we are?  There's something strong and empowering about knowing who you are and what you stand for (or won't stand for).  Our standards or code of ethics shouldn't be determined by people, that in the end, don't really matter. 

Food for Thought:  

On my way to half way through my challenges.  Can't believe that almost 1/2 year has gone by!  Hope you can join me for my next challenge on Sunday - Dealing with People Who Make Me Nuts!

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BEING SELECTIVE IN YOUR INNER CIRCLE - CHALLENGE #24

Friends of all sorts

will be a blessing in your life,

but the ones that really matter

will leave noticeable footprints

on your life and in your heart.

 

So what exactly is an inner circle?  Well - basically, it's a catchy name for close friends that you can count on and let your guard down with. You thoroughly enjoy their company and they, yours. The circle is often not a large one.  I recall a long time ago, someone saying to me . . . she always felt, wherever she went, that she was one of these people looking through a window, hoping someone would see her and invite her in.  No one ever did. 

Very sad, but honestly,

sometimes we don't see that others do invite us in or we put up so many barriers that people couldn't be bothered.   There are even times when people have had bad experiences in the past and carry around chips on their shoulders.  I'm not saying that was her case - just that it's not always just one-sided.  I've seen people do and say the stupidest / thoughtless things and then they wonder why they never get invited to things. 

Having "more" isn't necessarily the be all and end all in friendships.  Having one exclusive friend, isn't either.  There can be an awful lot of pressure put on a friendship when there are only two individuals involved.  Sometimes, it can be overwhelming for one person, if their life circumstances change and the friend's hasn't.

I am one of those kinds of people that likes lots of friends.  Close or not.  My family and job takes up an awful big part of my time and when you have only one exclusive friend, that friendship often takes a hit.  Hopefully, they are in similar circumstances, so they understand.

In the past, I have had some really close friends but when you move or jobs change, sometimes those relationships change.  Some would argue that "close friendships" don't change - they just grow or adapt, but that has not always been my experience.  Yes, they are only a phone call away and when you do get an opportunity to be together again, it's like stepping back into time.  So much fun!  But, time and distance, often do impact your relationship.  I suppose that's a natural part of life.  Sometimes, that is just another way to push you out of your comfort zone to make room for a new "page" in your book of life. 

This whole thing isn't always easy for some of us to handle.   When you are used to being in the midst of good friends, and then, it's history . . . it's a wierd place to be.  I know for me, when this happened, it was really hard for me to process.  

Moving is traumatic at the best of times, but when close ties are severed at the same time (or as time goes by) . . . for lots of us, it's a hard pill to swallow.  I had the idealistic view that things would continue on . . . but they didn't and I honestly, was puzzled by it.  All sorts of thoughts can go through your head . . . maybe you did something wrong, maybe the friendship wasn't as close as you thought, or maybe they are too busy with "new" friends.  A lot of maybes that run through your mind and can play havoc with your self-esteem.  After enough moves or enough changes, being busy can become a convenient excuse to not find time to persue new friendships.  Sometimes, we might not even realize we are setting it up that way or allowing it to happen.

              Sometimes we don't realize that we are                            

making memories with friends because     

we are so busy having fun!

 

 I have really had some amazing people all around me . . . and like that gal I mentioned at the beginning, may have taken an interest in me, but I've not really noticed or appreciated how much!                                                                                                    

                                                                         

Not everyone you meet and enjoy the company of has to be your best friend or even in your circle of best friends.  I've often had many different friends for different reasons and seasons in my life.  Some, have stayed in my life and some have moved on.  Always nice to see them, but none of us seems to have felt a need to keep in constant touch.  At times, I've met new faces that have been interested in spending more time together but, it's pretty rare that I have felt the same pull.  Maybe, it's still the fall out from years back, but right now, I'm pretty ok with just having nice friends to have fun with now and again. You never know . . . maybe one day, I'll get out of my comfort zone and make more of an effort.   

I do believe that friends make the world go around.  They understand our expriences that our mates often don't get (or don't want to get).

  

My friends are from all walks of life.  Different faiths, careers, nationalities, socio- economic situations, some married, some divorced, some single, some with kids, and some without.  But they all share something in common -                                     me!    

             

Someone once told me that you can't be close friends with everyone in this world and that's ok.  You shouldn't feel bad about that.  I've often thought about that comment and I would agree. Many friends will wear you out with their needy-ness and that's not good. Setting up boundaries isn't such a bad thing. She told me that it's not healthy when you have friends that suck you dry.  I've had people in my life like that and she's right. One-sided relationships are hard.  Friendships shouldn't be "work".  When it's all take and they don't give - it wears you down. Those friends should not be in your inner circle. 

It's awesome when you have one or more really great friends that you can share special times with (or even not so special) and we don't need to feel bad, if we don't have them right now.  But, closing ourselves off, so that it never happens, is not a good thing - close friends bring a wonderful dimension to our lives.  Note to self - remember that!  For me, maybe it's the time commitment that scares me off or the emotional side.  Those past friendships that went by the wayside were very hard for me emotionally, when I realized they ended.  But . . . maybe, they didn't really end. Perhaps, they just changed 

and I assumed they had to stay as they were?  Change doesn't always have to be a bad thing - sometimes, it's just not what we are used to and we have to process and accept that.  Not sure.  Either way, . . . it was hard.  But, maybe that just goes to show us . . . there is a special place in our hearts reserved for good friends.  When the space is empty, you feel empty.  Being busy only fills it temporarily. 

   Food for Thought: 

 

Hope that you can join me for my next challenge - Living in the Grey Zone.

  

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