I have never been accused
of being a subtle or even perhaps, a tactful person. When things annoy me or make no sense to me,
people can generally tell. Oddly enough, I can put up with a lot of stupid
behaviour that might infuriate other people. Go figure. However, when others are rude/disrespectful or lie to me . . . well, that's where I draw the line. These are the proverbial nails on the chalkboard to me.
Being lied to, is an understandable reason to flip out. But, I'm not so sure that rudeness (disrespectfulness)
is a deal breaker for most people. These days, people almost expect rudeness. Either that or they don't even see it anymore. School staff in jr./sr. highs see it all the time. Sales or service staff experience it daily. It's almost a given for the dreaded telemarketer or call centre representative.
Recently, I was reading an article about the abuse that call centre reps. take. Those working in these typically entry level jobs, are actually forbidden to "speak back" even, when they are called every nasty name under the sun. Many of these sorts of positions are held by single moms or young people/students - ergo, the reason they don't tell the callers what to do with their crude comments.
Some of the research
indicates that many often break down crying at work or lose sleep because they dread going to back for more abuse. We all have bad days at work . . . but can you imagine being verbally abused all day for just doing your job. No, thanks - I'll pass on earning an income that way. And, I am grateful that I can say "No, thanks." Not everyone is so fortunate. As a parent, I sure wouldn't want someone treating my kids that badly when they are just trying to make a living.
Sometimes, I think it's easy to
justify our behaviour when someone or the situation ticks us off.
Whether we believe it or not, our behaviour ultimately results in treating the person we are dealing with as a "non-person." It's amazing what condescending behaviour surfaces when incensed enough. Elevating oneself to a higher level, if the person they are dealing is appears to have lower education or does not have a good command of the English language, speaks volumes of who we really are. I must say, reading the article really bothered me. Not that I do that, but it got me thinking.
What exactly constitutes being rude? I suppose the blatantly obvious ones would be name calling and swearing, but it can be a heck of a lot more. Some a little more subtle . . . eye rolling, impatient or bored looks, finger tapping, taking advantage of situations, not using good manners, and last but not least, the ultimate indicator of rude - "the finger". Rudeness and good manners do not go hand in hand. If you are being rude - face it, there is no way you could possibly be showing good manners. Nor can you be showing a good attitude or role modeling for any kids who are in the vicinity. Some might even say that the person who behaves rudely is behaving like a bully. If you don't believe that . . . try working in a call centre for a weekend.
If you live with or are related to folks that feel it's their right to hammer you . . . that's pretty hard to take and for lots of families, it becomes a numbing experience. It's pretty clear to me that my kids had (have) a mom that has not always expressed her disapproval for what they were doing in a very gracious manner. It's not hard to see now, why they often responded as they did. Here, I adamently endorse the Golden Rule, "Treat Others as You Would Have Them Treat You," but - have I really been doing that? Oh, I am sure, not near as often as I should. Good thing, the little proverb isn't, "Treat Others as They Treat You!" However, I think that is what ultimately happens when we are rude to others.
It's funny how when you get into something with your family, you forget how badly you can be handling a situation. If you ever watch those tv reality shows, you may ask yourself, "What's the matter with these people. Don't they see how awful they are behaving?" Apparently not. I wonder what people would think of our behaviour, if it were video taped and displayed for the world to see and hear. This applies to spouses, parents, kids, teachers . . . anyone, really. Kind of a sobering thought.
Funny how the things that bug us the most, may actually be something that is a blind flaw for us. What's that quote? "There are none so blind as those who will not see."
is a deal breaker for most people. These days, people almost expect rudeness. Either that or they don't even see it anymore. School staff in jr./sr. highs see it all the time. Sales or service staff experience it daily. It's almost a given for the dreaded telemarketer or call centre representative.
Recently, I was reading an article about the abuse that call centre reps. take. Those working in these typically entry level jobs, are actually forbidden to "speak back" even, when they are called every nasty name under the sun. Many of these sorts of positions are held by single moms or young people/students - ergo, the reason they don't tell the callers what to do with their crude comments.
Some of the research
indicates that many often break down crying at work or lose sleep because they dread going to back for more abuse. We all have bad days at work . . . but can you imagine being verbally abused all day for just doing your job. No, thanks - I'll pass on earning an income that way. And, I am grateful that I can say "No, thanks." Not everyone is so fortunate. As a parent, I sure wouldn't want someone treating my kids that badly when they are just trying to make a living.
Sometimes, I think it's easy to
justify our behaviour when someone or the situation ticks us off.
Whether we believe it or not, our behaviour ultimately results in treating the person we are dealing with as a "non-person." It's amazing what condescending behaviour surfaces when incensed enough. Elevating oneself to a higher level, if the person they are dealing is appears to have lower education or does not have a good command of the English language, speaks volumes of who we really are. I must say, reading the article really bothered me. Not that I do that, but it got me thinking.
What exactly constitutes being rude? I suppose the blatantly obvious ones would be name calling and swearing, but it can be a heck of a lot more. Some a little more subtle . . . eye rolling, impatient or bored looks, finger tapping, taking advantage of situations, not using good manners, and last but not least, the ultimate indicator of rude - "the finger". Rudeness and good manners do not go hand in hand. If you are being rude - face it, there is no way you could possibly be showing good manners. Nor can you be showing a good attitude or role modeling for any kids who are in the vicinity. Some might even say that the person who behaves rudely is behaving like a bully. If you don't believe that . . . try working in a call centre for a weekend.
If you live with or are related to folks that feel it's their right to hammer you . . . that's pretty hard to take and for lots of families, it becomes a numbing experience. It's pretty clear to me that my kids had (have) a mom that has not always expressed her disapproval for what they were doing in a very gracious manner. It's not hard to see now, why they often responded as they did. Here, I adamently endorse the Golden Rule, "Treat Others as You Would Have Them Treat You," but - have I really been doing that? Oh, I am sure, not near as often as I should. Good thing, the little proverb isn't, "Treat Others as They Treat You!" However, I think that is what ultimately happens when we are rude to others.
It's funny how when you get into something with your family, you forget how badly you can be handling a situation. If you ever watch those tv reality shows, you may ask yourself, "What's the matter with these people. Don't they see how awful they are behaving?" Apparently not. I wonder what people would think of our behaviour, if it were video taped and displayed for the world to see and hear. This applies to spouses, parents, kids, teachers . . . anyone, really. Kind of a sobering thought.
Funny how the things that bug us the most, may actually be something that is a blind flaw for us. What's that quote? "There are none so blind as those who will not see."
I guess we all like to think
that it's the "other" guy that needs an attitude adjustment, but that's not always the case. I recall years ago being at a function where a group of people were preparing for the event. They were discussing the necessity of everyone doing what they could to make it a success. They wanted it to be an enjoyable experience for everyone attending. The only problem is, the person who was making the most noise about this had just finished tearing a strip out of the young part-time caretaker on a half a dozen concerns she had. She wasn't the slightest bit kind in her approach and I felt sick to my stomach at how she had ripped her apart. I felt even worse when I found the university student hiding in a corner crying her heart out afterwards. Kind of ironic that the event was designed to make people feel welcomed.
Being mad is ok. Being frustrated is ok. But, being rude and disrespectful is not ok. Not if you are parent, not if you are teacher or principal, not if you are a student, not if you are a customer, and not if you are a boss. Learning self-control is a trait worthy of working on. When you have it, it's a good thing for everyone. When you don't have it, life can be very ugly.
Yes, I know we are not perfect. We mess up, but I hope that as I go through this week, I will embrace this challenge. Being mindful of allowing others to be heard and validating their concerns is a respectful thing to do. I don't always have to agree with them, but how I interact can very well change the outcome or the direction of the conversation.
Food for Thought:
A good way to start seeing yourself.
It's amazing how change like this can become like the domino effect.
A good place to start is with those that matter the most - your family!
Whoops! I almost forgot my next challenge - Eating My Way to a Healthier Me!
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