will
be a blessing in your life,
but the ones that really matter
will leave
noticeable footprints
on your life and in your heart.
So what exactly is an inner circle? Well - basically, it's a catchy name for close friends that you can count on and let your guard down with. You thoroughly enjoy their company and they, yours. The circle is often not a large one. I recall a long time ago, someone saying to me . . . she always felt, wherever she went, that she was one of these people looking through a window, hoping someone would see her and invite her in. No one ever did.
Very sad, but honestly,
Very sad, but honestly,
sometimes we don't see that others do invite us in or we put up so many barriers that people couldn't be bothered. There are even times when people have had bad experiences in the past and carry around chips on their shoulders. I'm not saying that was her case - just that it's not always just one-sided. I've seen people do and say the stupidest / thoughtless things and then they wonder why they never get invited to things.
Having "more" isn't necessarily the be all and end all in friendships. Having one exclusive friend, isn't either. There can be an awful lot of pressure put on a friendship when there are only two individuals involved. Sometimes, it can be overwhelming for one person, if their life circumstances change and the friend's hasn't.
I am one of those kinds of people that likes lots of friends. Close or not. My family and job takes up an awful big part of my time and when you have only one exclusive friend, that friendship often takes a hit. Hopefully, they are in similar circumstances, so they understand.
In the past, I have had some really close friends but when you move or jobs change, sometimes those relationships change. Some would argue that "close friendships" don't change - they just grow or adapt, but that has not always been my experience. Yes, they are only a phone call away and when you do get an opportunity to be together again, it's like stepping back into time. So much fun! But, time and distance, often do impact your relationship. I suppose that's a natural part of life. Sometimes, that is just another way to push you out of your comfort zone to make room for a new "page" in your book of life.
This whole thing isn't always easy for some of us to handle. When you are used to being in the midst of good friends, and then, it's history . . . it's a wierd place to be. I know for me, when this happened, it was really hard for me to process.
Moving is traumatic at the best of times, but when close ties are severed at the same time (or as time goes by) . . . for lots of us, it's a hard pill to swallow. I had the idealistic view that things would continue on . . . but they didn't and I honestly, was puzzled by it. All sorts of thoughts can go through your head . . . maybe you did something wrong, maybe the friendship wasn't as close as you thought, or maybe they are too busy with "new" friends. A lot of maybes 
that run through your mind and can play havoc with your self-esteem. After enough moves or enough changes, being busy can become a convenient excuse to not find time to persue new friendships. Sometimes, we might not even realize we are setting it up that way or allowing it to happen.
that run through your mind and can play havoc with your self-esteem. After enough moves or enough changes, being busy can become a convenient excuse to not find time to persue new friendships. Sometimes, we might not even realize we are setting it up that way or allowing it to happen.
Sometimes we don't realize that we are
making memories with friends because
we are so busy having fun!
I have really had some amazing people all around me . . . and like that gal I mentioned at the beginning, may have taken an interest in me, but I've not really noticed or appreciated how much!
Not everyone you meet and enjoy the company of has to be your best friend or even in your circle of best friends. I've often had many different friends for different reasons and seasons in my life. Some, have stayed in my life and some have moved on. Always nice to see them, but none of us seems to have felt a need to keep in constant touch. At times, I've met new faces that have been interested in spending more time together but, it's pretty rare that I have felt the same pull. Maybe, it's still the fall out from years back, but right now, I'm pretty ok with just having nice friends to have fun with now and again. You never know . . . maybe one day, I'll get out of my comfort zone and make more of an effort.
I do believe that friends make the world go around. They understand our expriences that our mates often don't get (or don't want to get).
My friends are from all walks of life. Different faiths, careers, nationalities, socio- economic situations, some married, some divorced, some single, some with kids, and some without. But they all share something in common - me!
Someone once told me that you can't be close friends with everyone in this world and that's ok. You shouldn't feel bad about that. I've often thought about that comment and I would agree. Many friends will wear you out with their needy-ness and that's not good. Setting up boundaries isn't such a bad thing. She told me that it's not healthy when you have friends that suck you dry. I've had people in my life like that and she's right. One-sided relationships are hard. Friendships shouldn't be "work". When it's all take and they don't give - it wears you down. Those friends should not be in your inner circle.
It's awesome when you have one or more really great friends that you can share special times with (or even not so special) and we don't need to feel bad, if we don't have them right now. But, closing ourselves off, so that it never happens, is not a good thing - close friends bring a wonderful dimension to our lives. Note to self - remember that! For me, maybe it's the time commitment that scares me off or the emotional side. Those past friendships that went by the wayside were very hard for me emotionally, when I realized they ended. But . . . maybe, they didn't really end. Perhaps, they just changed 
and I assumed they had to stay as they were? Change doesn't always have to be a bad thing - sometimes, it's just not what we are used to and we have to process and accept that. Not sure. Either way, . . . it was hard. But, maybe that just goes to show us . . . there is a special place in our hearts reserved for good friends. When the space is empty, you feel empty. Being busy only fills it temporarily.
Food for Thought:
Hope that you can join me for my next challenge - Living in the Grey Zone.
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