THE RIPPLE EFFECT! - CHALLENGE #30

An innocent comment got me thinking.  I was facebooking with someone about a challenge I had posted about doing one nice thing for 7 people over the course of one week.  He asked me if I thought challenging people to get out of their comfort zone to do something like this really made any difference.  Good question, actually. I explained that I thought it did.  Having said that, it seems that often traumatic events or personal crisis seem to be what oftens triggers these acts.  He told me he routinely does acts of kindness but never expects anything in return. Commendable. The world would be a better place, if more people thought like him.  But, I'm not like that.

 

I absolutely do expect something in return.  Sound selfish?  I don't think so.  

 

When I say I don't expect anything from others (other than my kids remembering their manners), I'm quite serious.  What I DO expect is that from the act of kindness, I will be changed.  And, I am - over and over again.  The blessings I've received time and time again will always out-weigh any inconvenience or negative feedback.  Some might argue that things like this are by nature, easier for some than others.  For sure.  However, that should never let you off the hook, nor diminish the effort that others put into it because it comes a little easier to some.  We can all become selfish, thoughtless, callous, or turn a blind eye when life gets busy or inconvenient.
 

 
There must be something to this way of thinking because if you go to the Internet, there is no shortage of the number of "Kindness" sites out there.  It would seem that some find merit in passing along their experiences with generosity - both  in receiving and giving.  Apparently, there are an awful of people out there who believe that "doing for others" is a good way to try to live your life.  Concepts like "paying it forward" have caught on like wild fire.

  
Haley Joel Osment and Kevin  Spacey, starred in the movie, Pay It Forward, which had a huge impact on the Acts of Kindness "movement."  If you've not seen this older movie, it's worth checking out. Inspirational movies, self-help books, and philanthropistic organizations are popping up left and right.  Could it be that people are missing the days when doing the right thing was just what "we did" because it was the right thing to do?

Not long ago, I came across a link devoted to ideas like, the importance of holding the door open for someone.  Good grief.  We need a site for this?  Well - it would seem lots of people think we do.  They have even researched how often people do this in New York City and found that women hold doors open significantly more often than men - that surprised me. Even something as simple as that can make someone's day and change a frown into a smile. Sometimes, people's views on "doing for others" can be a little skewed, too.  I came across this comment on opening the door for others: 

"I hold the door for people all the time...it aggravates me that they don't acknowledge me, as I am not a doorman but a courteous member of society." 


These kind of responses always amuse me. I guess their intention may then not be that of "Random Acts of Kindness" but perhaps simply being courteous or polite.  Good manners are nice but actually, not the same as being intentional in having an impact on someone's day.  We shouldn't confuse politeness with kindness.  The person in the quote, apparently does.  We always want to teach our kids manners - I expect mine to use them when they are out and about.  But, do they show intentional acts of kindness?  Who knows.  I hope so.  Kindness modelled at home tends to have a ripple effect.  We know that bad things certainly can.  I see it in the school system more than I'd like. 

When we start hearing ourselves being annoyed because someone didn't acknowledge our kindness or thoughtfulness, then perhaps we need to take stock of our motives. Doing a favour or extending a helping hand is not unlike giving a gift.  Because, that is essentially what you are giving.  A gift does not require a thank you or pay back.  There is a fine line here, because we've always been taught to say thank you.  Lots of us teach our kids to thank people for other's generosity.  That is learning appreciation.  However, the new generation is not necessarily being taught or modelled that.  There is that saying, "manners are caught, not taught." 

When others thank us for our time, gift, encouragement, etc. that's nice.  However, their thanking us should still not be the impetus for doing something or most of us will be forever discouraged or angry.  The fulfillment and the encouragement we feel about bringing joy into someone's life have to stand alone.

For some, that's not so black and white. 

We can't live our lives, keeping score or keeping track of who did what and who thanked who, otherwise, it's a gift with strings attached.  Many would say they don't do that, but their reactions say otherwise.
 

  If you are going to have strings attached,

make sure they are the right kind!

Home is one of the toughtest places to show kindness, I think.  And, yet, it's one of the places, you will definitely see the ripple effects.  Our actions will play a huge role in how our kids see themselves and others.


On one hand, we are trying to show kids that it's important to do things because they are part of a family.  On the other hand, parents do so much around the house and it seldom is acknowledged or fully appreciated.  There are books written on this stuff, so I won't attempt to show that I know it all.
  
In all honesty, I have been one of those frustrated, fed up parents.  How people can actually step over clothes in the middle of the floor and not see it, boggles my mind.  But, they do.  Truthfully, you WILL make yourself nuts trying to figure it out and lecturing them on it.  Expect it.  Appreciate it on the days, it doesn't happen.   People in your home will rarely notice all we do.  But, what I am finally seeing is that our demeaner and delivery is key.  Screaming, threatening, etc. is a temporary fix but not one that makes anyone feel good.  That kind of change seldom sticks. Then, you are just back at square one again. 
 

                                                           It Starts With You!

The challenge will always be to do it in a kind way.  And maybe THAT is the real Act of Kindness we will have to focus on more at home.  Teaching ourself to remind them in a kind way.  In a humourous way.  In a way, we want others to speak to us.  Family will always be our biggest testing ground for Acts of Kindness.  But, one that has the most meaningful impact.
  
"Perception can often change resentment." This bit of advice comes from a seasoned mom.  Wished I had embraced this one!
  

Her view is that we
can yell at our kids, "You are making me crazy.  You spilled your milk again!  You do it ALL the time!!  Smarten up!"  but the truth of the matter is, kids don't spill their milk all the time.  It may actually only be 4 times a week, but it honestly seems like it's all the time.  The day she realized that, was the day her perspective changed on that and lots of other things in her life. She was thankful that it was only 4 times a week!  A sense of humour totally goes a long way!  And, I am not kidding, either! 


Most of the truly great parents I admire, have a wonderful sense of humour.  That sense of humour, coupled with a good perspective have impacted and rippled through their marriages, home life, extended family, and into their communities.  They would say, they don't always get it right but I see individuals worthy of emulating.

 
In the end, no matter what the motive, the fact that we make the choice to do something nice, does have a ripple effect.  Don't be surprised, if the ripple doesn't come back your way.  That's often how it goes. 
 

It's a little sad when you think that your bit of kindness can be the only nice thing that has happened to someone that day.  Sometimes, the people who need your act of kindness are the ones you least want to give it to.

 Thought for the Day:
 
 
If we think that we are too busy to take time to think about doing something nice for someone else . . . we are likely fooling ourselves.  We all have the same number of hours in our day as Mother Teresa had and look what she did with her hours.  Doing one act of kindness a day may only take 2 seconds out of our day, but for that someone, it may very well be the 2 most important seconds they will experience that week. 

See you next week!  

 

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